#DearFresherMe: First Year Expectations vs. Reality

Lucy reflects on her experience at university and describes how the expectations that Freshers face can compare with reality.

- Lucy

#DearFresherMe,

If you�re reading this, it�s highly likely that your first days at university are within close reach or perhaps they have even already begun. Are you feeling excited? That's expected! Are you feeling a little nervous? That's totally normal! Are you absolutely terrified and beginning to feel unsure of your decision? That's also very common too! Hopefully this post can help you realise that you won't be the only one experiencing these mixed emotions.

"University will be the best years of your life" is probably a phrase you�ll have heard over and over again since you received confirmation that you�re going to uni. Whilst this can feel very encouraging, it can also feel incredibly daunting as it creates expectations and pressures that you may end up finding difficult to meet.

For some people, university can actually be the most challenging and difficult years of their life. So, repeatedly hearing this particular phrase can lead them to feel isolated, alone and disappointed in themselves as their experiences don�t seem to be matching the �picture-perfect� experience that university is made out to be.

It's very important to remember that if this is how you feel, you're not alone. Many other students are feeling the exact same way! So, whilst this phrase may turn out true for many students, it�s worth noting it is also far from the truth for many others. Try not to let the pressures and expectations cloud your vision or make you feel bad about the experiences you do have; your university experience is going to be completely personal to you. University isn't always going to be a smooth ride and it's totally normal for it to be a rocky road instead.

It�s okay to be scared. It's okay to miss home. It's okay to feel a little out of your depth.

The first few weeks or even months of University can be very tough for many people. Due to the high expectations of it being nothing but absolute joy and excitement, it can make dealing with the difficult times a lot harder to cope with, especially alone. 

Remember, being away from home for the first time is a big change, and not something anyone expects you to find easy. It�s okay to be scared and to miss home. It's totally normal to feel out of your depth and unsure whether you are even going to stick it out. It�s completely fine to cry and to want to call your parents whenever you want and need to. 

Being open with others about how you feel is probably going to make you feel so much better in the long run. Express your feelings rather than try and push them away because it's completely normal to be feeling the way that you are.

Everyone else around me is having the best time but I'm not feeling it. What's wrong with me?

Nothing! Nothing is wrong with you at all. I can guarantee that you are not the only one who isn't having the best time. If you talk to those around you, there is a high chance that they will be going through the same thing too but feel too nervous to admit it themselves. 

Everyone is trying to live out the high expectations that have been set, that they may fear being open about how they really feel. If you take that first step and be honest with how you are feeling, you may end up helping some other people along the way.

Overall, university is an incredible experience, and one that for me personally was life-changing. However, this doesn't mean that every single aspect of it is going to be an easy ride. The experience will be different for every person, so it's important to focus on your own, without making comparisons to other people around you. Try to make the most of the good times but don't try and hide the hard times. Be open, speak about them and don't be afraid to admit when you're struggling.

You are never alone and there will always be someone who is going through a similar thing.

If you would like more support on starting university, and managing some of the challenges it brings, click here.

Hello! I'm Lucy, a Clinical Psychology Masters student at Anglia Ruskin University! Through studying Psychology and experiencing life as a student, I have become incredibly passionate about mental health and helping to make a positive change. I have been volunteering for Student Minds for the past 2 years as a Peer Support Facilitator at my university and the Editor of the Student Minds blog. I also have my own blog to help spread awareness around mental health - https://lucyrebekah.wordpress.com/

Homeless Homesickness

Elise writes about how she manages home sickness at university. 

- Elise Jackson

Before I came to university, I can only remember experiencing homesickness once. It was a week-long residential trip at an activities centre and I was 10 years old. So, getting to university and feeling that feeling again was not only a throwback, but extremely disconcerting.

My parents have always let me be independent. They not only allowed, but encouraged me to socialise, to travel, to have new experiences. I think this is why I never got homesick � I was raised to be self sufficient and to find comfort in meeting people. University, then, should have been a breeze.
Flash-forward to summer 2015. Life goes topsy-turvy. Long story short, we had a death in the family, my mum and step-dad moved out of my childhood home to somewhere half-way across the country, I got in to the University of Nottingham and my friends got in to places all over the country. Within the space of a few months, my life was completely displaced.

As I mentioned, this shouldn�t really have been a problem for me. Aside from the grieving, everything else was well within my emotional capabilities and comfort zone. I love new places and new people! But I hadn�t taken one thing into account: I didn�t have a home anymore. The place I knew as home � the house, the bedroom, the walk into school � didn�t exist anymore. Someone else lived there now, and we knew no one in our new village miles away from a train station.

Homesickness is horrible. But when that option to go home and quell the sickness isn�t there anymore, it becomes something else entirely. Learning to manage that feeling was one of the hardest parts of coming to uni, and one of the achievements I�m most proud of.

So, how do you deal with homesickness when you don�t really have a home anymore? Step one, don�t say you don�t have a home. Instead, think of it like you have several new ones! You have where your parents live, where your friends live, and now, where you live with all these lovely new people. Count your bedrooms � what kid wouldn�t be psyched to learn that one day they would have 3 bedrooms to their name?

Step two, make it comfy. We all know uni halls can be gross and smelly and damp, but in my opinion, there�s nothing some good soft furnishings can�t fix. I got a thick old mattress topper for my uni/camping bed, with a fluffy duvet, blankets and several cushions. I strung up pictures, fairy lights, and put net curtains over my window to make it all feel a bit cosier. My room was (and remained to be in my new houses), the comfiest room of all. Not only will this make you feel more chill, it will make people want to be in your room for cuddles all the damn time, which is a great distraction.

Step three, make new memories. One of the things I did in first year which changed the game completely was have my friends to my new house in Norfolk. As soon as I did that, I went from feeling entirely isolated there to absolutely loving it. After a Christmas, a couple of summers and that wonderful mini-holiday with my friends, that new house has become more of a home for me than my old one had felt like for many years.

And lastly, let go. I once joked with a close friend before that I was over-attached to locations. He told me that I wasn�t attached to the places, I was just attached to the memories and the people I loved that populated them. He�s right � home isn�t a place, it�s people. Visiting friends at different unis showed me this � they�re in an alien city in some strange, draughty house but just being with people you love can make any grotty student haunt feel like home.

Build a home in the friends around you. They�ll be doing the same in you. Once I did that, the homesickness completely dissipated. Now, the idea of coming home means people. It means I wake up with my home; I have breakfast with my home; I go to lectures with my home. It also means that, no matter what, I can pick up the phone and hear home in the voice of any friend, any family member. Home is now something I carry with me, everywhere.

Hello! I'm Elise. I'm currently in my final year studying English Language and Literature at the University of Nottingham. My writings for Student Minds will range from pieces about depression and DPD to coping with loss, bereavement and change during your studies - all the while remaining mindful and getting the most out of university life. Thanks for reading!

Freshers' Flu and Feeling Blue

Mary explores the realisation that you're struggling and accepting help during the early months of university. 

- Mary Litchfield

The first few weeks of university are so busy and hectic that you can have hardly any time to think about how you�re feeling and coping with such an enormous change; it can take time to adjust to getting into the routine of lectures and coursework. Sometimes suppressed worries can surface after a few weeks or months.

Freshers� and neglecting yourself

Starting your first year of university opens up a whole new world of opportunity, from making tonnes of new friends, joining lots of exciting societies and clubs, to just going out and having a laugh. And, of course, go to every single one of your 9 am lectures. However, the beginning of university isn�t always sunshine and roses and it can be difficult to fully take in your new situation or surroundings. When freshers� ends and all the excitement that goes with it, sometimes it can be tough. It can feel like you�re alone and fending for yourself, and potentially can lead to you feeling down about the university experience.

It can feel so busy that you don�t have time to address any emotions that arise, and so it's easy to deny yourself a little necessary me-time just to ponder your own thoughts and see how you�re coping emotionally and physically. Looking after your mental health as well as your physical health, especially when freshers� flu makes an appearance, is important for thriving at university.

Things not going to plan

When you arrive at university there are so many ideas and preconceptions about student life that are going through your mind. Things will likely not be exactly how you had expected, but this isn�t necessarily a bad thing; surprises can be exciting. However, when things aren�t going to plan it�s easy to feel anxious or worried, especially once you�re fending for yourself without the immediate support of your family.

Additionally, worries and negative feelings that were in the back of your mind can creep up on you beyond your initial anxieties when beginning university. You may be in a situation where you aren�t getting on with your flatmates, or your course isn�t what you expected, or perhaps you�re missing family and friends back at home. Navigating a new stage of your life, on a new campus, and in a new city can be confusing!

But it is important to remember that lots of people experience these anxieties, but that every individual also adjusts to university differently and no one�s situation is the same. It is perfectly normal for things not to have gone how you expected. If you�re facing problems then it can help to share them � you may be surprised at how many of your peers may share these worries.

Mental health matters

If you�ve struggled with mental health difficulties or significant worries before coming to university it can make the process of going away a lot more difficult.

Struggling during the beginning of university is normal for every student embarking on a new stage of life but it can be particularly difficult, especially if you�ve struggled with mental health difficulties or significant worries before coming to university. You�re in a new place and want a fresh start so it can be easy to deny to yourself that you might need a little help or it can also be overwhelming trying to approach the university and ask for help. With so much going on, it can be even more of a struggle to get into the swing of university life. Bumps in the road can feed on difficulties or problems you�re having or have had previously. Even whilst being surrounded by hundreds of people you can feel alone.

There can be a pressure to �have fun� and neglecting your feelings or not getting support can be easier than these facing problems. But this can just make it worse and it�s usually best to tackle things earlier.

University is a whirlwind of chaos, excitement and opportunity. You can have the best and worst days. It�s not always plain sailing, particularly during your first couple of weeks or months. It can be easy to let problems linger and get worse, which isn�t what you need whilst battling off fresher�s flu. Whatever you�re struggling with, never be afraid to seek out help.

Hi, I�m Mary. I recently graduated from The University of Nottingham. During my time there I was part of Nottingham�s Student Minds committee; it was here that I found out about Student Minds� blog. Mental health is still something very stigmatised and not always talked about. So, I thought I�d try my hand at starting conversations about it and if they help even one person, it�s a step in the right direction.



Starting university/ Freshers': http://www.studentminds.org.uk/starting-university.html
Find Support: http://www.studentminds.org.uk/find-support.html