Dear Fresher Me

Michael writes about some tips and tricks he wish he knew as a fresher. 

Starting university can be a really fun, exciting, and self-defining experience. But it can also be challenging, particularly whilst you settle in and find your feet. I started university after spending two years in full time work and I found it really intimidating and overwhelming. I felt like I didn�t belong and this made me anxious around others and pretty hard on myself. 5 years later I am still at uni and much happier. Here, I give my 5 #DearFresherMe tips for managing when you start university.

1.      Find Your University Support

You might not need it but it�s always helpful to have an idea early on of where to go for support if you feel like are struggling. Find out what student welfare services and general pastoral care your university provides, what they do, and how to access them. It helped me to speak to a member of the welfare team on the first day - after that, they looked out for me during the first few weeks whilst I was struggling.

2.      Ask for Help if You Need It. 

Speak up if you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious. I found that people were really supportive and accommodating if they knew you were struggling but, with so many other students, they might not realise something is wrong unless you tell them. Equally don�t be afraid to ask about uni life more generally. I thought that if I asked questions about the academic or social elements of university life, people would think I was stupid. But it becomes harder to ask the longer time goes on. The opening few weeks are a really good time to explore how everything works and ask questions.

3.      Get into a Healthy Routine.

You might find when you get to University that you have less compulsory contact hours than you expected. For some, this can make it hard to know when the work starts, whilst, for others, it can be hard to know when it stops. Either way, it will be helpful to get into a healthy routine early on to help balance your time and look after yourself. I found that it helped to treat my uni work as a job with set times and spaces; I chose to only work at the library so that I could keep my room as a time and space for me. 

4.      Get Organised

Because I felt anxious and overwhelmed, it really helped to get organised. Use a diary, record academic deadlines and other commitments, file your work, and regularly check and sort your university emails to make sure that you are on track and don�t miss anything. This will likely save you some stress and last minute panics!

5.      Relationships Matter.

Having a good support network of friends will help you get the most out of your university experience. Although building new friendships takes time and effort, it really is worth it. If you find it hard meeting new people, you won�t be alone � there will be other people that will feel the same and really appreciate a smile and a chat. Or you could try to find ways of meeting people with similar interests by joining societies or volunteering.

Everybody�s university journey is unique, and we all go to university with different hopes, fears and expectations. Try to take things at your own pace based on the advice that feels right for you. 

About Michael:

Hi, I'm Michael. I'm a postgraduate student at Durham. I want to write for Student Minds to share my own experiences of depression and anxiety and tackle the stigma around mental health.

Some useful links:

Finding Support: https://www.studentminds.org.uk/findsupport.html

Transition to university: https://www.studentminds.org.uk/transitions.html

Looking after your wellbeing:  

https://www.studentminds.org.uk/lookingafteryourmentalwellbeing.html

My experiences as an LGBT+ student

In this blog, Emily talks about navigating university as a LGBT+ student and the importance of finding a support network.

�I�ve been embraced by a new community. That�s what happens when you�re finally honest about who you are; you find others like you.� � Chaz Bono.

When I first arrived at university five years ago, I�d never really considered what it meant to be LGBT+. Personally, I�ve never been one who prioritised sex or relationships. That hasn�t really changed during my time at university. However, university has been a chance for me to explore my sexuality and begin to discover who I am.

I�ve had strong feelings for males and for females. I would comfortably express myself as bisexual. However, simultaneously, I have never had any desire for anything sexual with either men or women. Therefore, I would also label myself as asexual.

Labelling myself as either bisexual or asexual has been something that I�ve only felt comfortable in doing throughout my most recent, final year at university. Before then, I�ve kept it a secret from everyone. Several things have made me more comfortable in being open about my bisexuality/asexuality confusion, including surrounding myself with people who are part of the LGBT+ community. Most of my closest friends are LGBT+, lots of the people I look up to as role models are LGBT+ and I love and cherish them all � they�re all also the kindest, most inspirational people I know. I think being around LGBT+ people has made me to feel more comfortable about my own sexuality and my own place in the LGBT+ community, and is also useful for other students who are learning about their sexual identity.

One of the regrets I take away from my time at university is not joining the LGBT+ society or attending of their events � I recommend this for any LGBT+ or questioning student. For the first four years of my degree, I didn�t feel comfortable being open about it. Then, in my final year, while I wanted to be involved, I was too busy. However, something I valued a lot was having the opportunity to explore my sexuality through the students� newspaper. I wrote articles about being confused between bisexual and asexual, and I also wrote creative writing pieces with a focus on LGBT+ relationships.

Being an LGBT+ student at university isn�t always simple and easy, but one thing that I think really does make a lot of difference, genuinely, is having a brilliant support network around you.

�What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it�s curved like a road through mountains.� � Tennessee Williams. 

My name is Emily (Em). I have recently graduated from Swansea University with my BA in Modern Languages, Translation & Interpreting;  I was also involved with Swansea Student Media and the university's student newspaper - Waterfront. I blog for Student Minds because I have experienced mental health issues and support friends who also have mental health difficulties. i am passionate writer and writing has been important in my mental health experience, both in helping me to explore and cope with my mental health as well as sharing my story in order to help others. 

#DearFresherMe: Eating disorder recovery, finding balance and self-compassion

In this blog, Ana reflects on the advice she�d give her younger self on starting university with a history of mental health difficulties and learning to thrive in a time of big change and transition. 

Moving to university having suffered from an eating disorder can seem an anxious and lonely prospect. Universities place a big emphasis on socialising, which inevitably includes eating and drinking. This terrified me before leaving home: what if my eating disorder stopped me from meeting new people and not being as social as I was expected to be? Making your own food can also be really hard. The newfound independence and responsibility makes it easy to revert into old habits, and the fear of people watching me eat or commenting on my food preferences all played a part in the nervous emotions I felt leaving home.

So, as I head into my final year, what would I say to my fresher self now?

First of all, everyone has their own thing going on. People aren�t really too bothered about your odd habits or irrational insecurities. Everyone is scared, everyone is anxious and everyone is probably in the same boat, having some sort of fear. In a kind of weird way, it�s nice to remember this because it can make you feel less alien, and less alone. So just trust yourself!

Secondly, and most importantly, I would tell myself to have fun. University is a once in a life time experience. There�s so much to learn, so take advantage of that. Keep busy, find new hobbies, meet new people, and soon enough, the fears you had leaving home won�t seem so scary. You�ll end up spending the holidays waiting to go back to your student city, back to your friends, and back to studying what you love!

Having said all that, there will be days where things are difficult, and you can feel lonely. It may seem like no one understands what�s going through your head. Sometimes you just want to stay in and have time to yourself or do something to unwind. This is totally normal, and Yoga and Meditation societies often have plenty of members keen to take a step back and enjoy some time to chill. 

No matter what you feel, there is always support and someone you can talk to. There will always be someone who �gets� it, whether you final them in a mental health society or amongst your flatmates. The wellbeing departments at university also offer amazing support: they understand that university can be a fun but challenging time, and the big changes can continue to affect you even once you�ve settled in. Don�t be afraid to reach out. It�s normal to struggle sometimes, and as much as everyone else seems to be having fun, almost all of us will feel a bit blue at some point throughout the year. 

Finally, find the balance of you-time and having fun. They�re both as important as each other. Before you know it, you�ll be in your graduation gown thinking, where did the time go?!

I�m a third year Drama student at University of Exeter, and have loved my time at uni. There have been ups and downs but I wouldn�t change a thing. I am hoping to share my experience of my own mental health struggles in order to reassure someone moving to university that everything always works out!

#DearFresherMe: Loneliness at University

In this blog Trina talks about her experience with loneliness at university and reassures others who might be in a similar situation. 

-Trina

Before coming to university, I was surrounded by the idea that, "At university you will make your lifelong friends," and "university will be the best three years of your life." I'm sure this is a common expectation for people starting at University. My high expectations were soon crushed as I started life in Leeds. I began to see groups begin to form - groups that I wasn't part of. I wasn't sure if it was my reluctance to put myself �out there,� or if I just hadn't met the right people yet. My anxiety made me feel too awkward to socialise sober, and even with my lovely flatmates I felt disconnected to everyone. I visited home often due to having a large group of friends back there. I sort of ignored the loneliness I felt when I was back at uni because I knew that my friends would be waiting for me back at home, ready to pick up as if I'd never moved away.

I did have friends at university, but no one close that I could just chill with sober, doing nothing and no one that I could message about anything but my uni work. My friends at home kept telling me, "you've not been there long. It takes time to get close to people." But it was hard listening to them when everyone else seemed so close and happy.

It wasn't long until I realised that a lot of other people were in a similar situation to me. Friendships take a while to grow and my impatience and overthinking obviously didn't help as I continued to feel hopeless about my social situation at uni. At the end of my first semester, a group had begun to form with me in it; yet I still felt like an outsider tagging along. It wasn't until I came back after Christmas that I started to feel like more of the group. I decided to stop going home every weekend and instead socialise more with this new group at uni. It was difficult, and I do still feel lonely a lot there but I'm feeling more positive knowing that everyday my friendships are growing and becoming closer and stronger.

My advice to people starting at University is not to worry if you haven't made "best friends" in the first few months - it will happen in time. Remember that everyone is in the same position and most people will get lonely at some point, but it will pass, and you will meet so many amazing people.

I am a 20-year-old mental health blogger and Film-making student from Manchester. I love writing and have a passion for helping others. You can read more of my work at www.happyandhealing.co.uk 

#DearFresherMe: First Year Expectations vs. Reality

Lucy reflects on her experience at university and describes how the expectations that Freshers face can compare with reality.

- Lucy

#DearFresherMe,

If you�re reading this, it�s highly likely that your first days at university are within close reach or perhaps they have even already begun. Are you feeling excited? That's expected! Are you feeling a little nervous? That's totally normal! Are you absolutely terrified and beginning to feel unsure of your decision? That's also very common too! Hopefully this post can help you realise that you won't be the only one experiencing these mixed emotions.

"University will be the best years of your life" is probably a phrase you�ll have heard over and over again since you received confirmation that you�re going to uni. Whilst this can feel very encouraging, it can also feel incredibly daunting as it creates expectations and pressures that you may end up finding difficult to meet.

For some people, university can actually be the most challenging and difficult years of their life. So, repeatedly hearing this particular phrase can lead them to feel isolated, alone and disappointed in themselves as their experiences don�t seem to be matching the �picture-perfect� experience that university is made out to be.

It's very important to remember that if this is how you feel, you're not alone. Many other students are feeling the exact same way! So, whilst this phrase may turn out true for many students, it�s worth noting it is also far from the truth for many others. Try not to let the pressures and expectations cloud your vision or make you feel bad about the experiences you do have; your university experience is going to be completely personal to you. University isn't always going to be a smooth ride and it's totally normal for it to be a rocky road instead.

It�s okay to be scared. It's okay to miss home. It's okay to feel a little out of your depth.

The first few weeks or even months of University can be very tough for many people. Due to the high expectations of it being nothing but absolute joy and excitement, it can make dealing with the difficult times a lot harder to cope with, especially alone. 

Remember, being away from home for the first time is a big change, and not something anyone expects you to find easy. It�s okay to be scared and to miss home. It's totally normal to feel out of your depth and unsure whether you are even going to stick it out. It�s completely fine to cry and to want to call your parents whenever you want and need to. 

Being open with others about how you feel is probably going to make you feel so much better in the long run. Express your feelings rather than try and push them away because it's completely normal to be feeling the way that you are.

Everyone else around me is having the best time but I'm not feeling it. What's wrong with me?

Nothing! Nothing is wrong with you at all. I can guarantee that you are not the only one who isn't having the best time. If you talk to those around you, there is a high chance that they will be going through the same thing too but feel too nervous to admit it themselves. 

Everyone is trying to live out the high expectations that have been set, that they may fear being open about how they really feel. If you take that first step and be honest with how you are feeling, you may end up helping some other people along the way.

Overall, university is an incredible experience, and one that for me personally was life-changing. However, this doesn't mean that every single aspect of it is going to be an easy ride. The experience will be different for every person, so it's important to focus on your own, without making comparisons to other people around you. Try to make the most of the good times but don't try and hide the hard times. Be open, speak about them and don't be afraid to admit when you're struggling.

You are never alone and there will always be someone who is going through a similar thing.

If you would like more support on starting university, and managing some of the challenges it brings, click here.

Hello! I'm Lucy, a Clinical Psychology Masters student at Anglia Ruskin University! Through studying Psychology and experiencing life as a student, I have become incredibly passionate about mental health and helping to make a positive change. I have been volunteering for Student Minds for the past 2 years as a Peer Support Facilitator at my university and the Editor of the Student Minds blog. I also have my own blog to help spread awareness around mental health - https://lucyrebekah.wordpress.com/

#DearFresherMe: Making friends, switching courses and missing home

In this blog, Laura shares the advice she'd give her younger self about starting university and managing all the challenges along the way.

When it comes to friends, it�s about quality not quantity.

In the first few weeks everybody talks to everybody, but real friendships stand the test of time. Finding your tribe is a tricky process, so it�s okay if your first friends at university don�t last beyond the first term. It might take a while to meet your people, but at the end of the day true friendships bring out the best in you; a handful of close buddies will get you through far more than a thousand Facebook friends will.

Feeling lonely and homesick is much more common than people will have you believe.

I cannot stress this enough. No matter what people say, everyone will � at some point � miss their home or their mum or their dog or their bed. Going to university rips you out of your comfort zone and throws you in the deep end. It�s absolutely normal to miss your home life.

First year is unlikely to be the best year.

In a twist of fate, my final year was actually the best of them all. I truly loved the city, I knew campus like the back of my hand, and I lived with the most wonderful friends I could ask for. In comparison, my first year was extremely average: I was self-conscious and insecure; I missed my boyfriend from home; I was lonely and homesick; and I didn�t know how to talk to anyone about what I was feeling. Although I did have a lot of fun, and the newfound independence and freedom was exciting, it was also unsettling and for a lot of the time I didn�t feel all that good. This is normal. It takes a while to find your place, so don�t freak out if first year isn�t everything you hoped for.

You can change your mind about your course.

I began studying joint honours but dropped to single honours in my final year. One of my friends actually changed degrees twice. At eighteen, deciding what to study for the next three years, or more, of your life and potentially directing your career, is a big ask and not everyone gets it right the first time. Most universities allow students to change courses within the first few weeks, but if it gets beyond that, and you�re still not happy, talk to your tutors and they will help you. You�re investing a lot of time and money into your degree, so it�s important to study something you love.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

When it comes to social media, people are only putting out what they want you to see. So when it looks like someone is having the absolute time of their life, it�s easy to compare. You might start thinking that you aren�t having enough fun, or you haven�t made enough friends, or you�re the only one in the country who isn�t actually enjoying university, but I can assure you this is not the case. Take everything you see online with a pinch of salt; it�s just a snapshot of a life and things are rarely as hunky dory as they seem.

Look after your mental and physical health.

Above everything, this is the most important thing to remember. Do the really boring stuff like sign up to the GP and make sure you know what emotional support is available if needed. Most universities have counselling services, support groups and mental health advisers whose sole purpose is to support you; never be afraid to ask for help.

My name's Laura and I'm a postgraduate student at Bournemouth University. I'm writing for Student Minds to share my experience of mental health difficulties at university and to encourage others to reach out for support.

#DearFresherMe: 5 Tips on how to maintain mental wellbeing

Emily writes about the experience of starting University, and gives five tips on how to maintain mental wellbeing.

- Emily

Having finished my degree and graduated from Swansea University this summer, and having a younger brother preparing to return to Swansea for his second year, I have found myself feeling disappointed that I�m not one of those students either excitedly looking forward to going back to University, or anticipating starting University for the first time. 

If I could rewind the past five years and start my time at Swansea University all over again, I would. There are some things that I would definitely do differently, and there are some things that I wish I knew when I started University. 

1) Firstly, I would not try so hard to �fit in�. My thing has absolutely never been nights out involving alcohol and clubs and bars. In my first year, I paid so much money for a Freshers� wristband and I only went to one event, which I ended up leaving almost as soon as I arrived because I had a panic attack. It wasn�t until I joined the Hogwarts society halfway during the first term that I really started to settle in a bit more, and make close friends. 

2) Secondly, if I could relive my entire University experience again, I would try to make more of my compulsory year abroad. Whilst I feel that my mental health difficulties prevented me from getting the most out of it, studying abroad is such a fantastic and valuable opportunity, so I would still definitely recommend it!

3) Thirdly, I would definitely get involved with Student Media opportunities a lot sooner than I did. Being involved with Swansea Student Media, especially the students� newspaper � Waterfront � was something that I got so much out of and became extremely passionate about and just enjoyed it so very much. I would make the most of such opportunities and other volunteering or work experience opportunities. 

4) Fourthly, if I could do University again, I think I would focus on myself a lot more, in terms of relationships, my sexuality and discovering who I am. I spent too much time trying to impress people who perhaps, in hindsight, I definitely should not have been trying so hard to impress. Instead, I would try to love myself more.

5) Finally, I think I would tell myself to just focus on my own journey, my own degree, and my own experiences and to try not to worry about having to impress people whether it�s friends, family, colleagues etc.! Also, I would remind myself that it�s okay to change my mind about what I want to do after graduation! 

We go to University with our own priorities, looking to experience different things and some people struggle to adapt more than others do. One of the main things that I have taken from my University journey is that it�s perfectly okay to put myself first, and not worry so much about trying to fit in and impress other people.

You can find more support on starting university, and managing some of the challenges it brings, here. 

My name is Emily (Em). I have recently graduated from Swansea University with my BA degree in Modern Languages, Translation & Interpreting; I was also passionate about and dedicated to Swansea Student Media and the University students� newspaper � Waterfront. I blog for Student Minds because I have experienced mental health issues as a student and now as a graduate, as well as other health issues, and I support friends who also have mental health difficulties. I am a passionate writer and writing has been important in my mental health experiences � both in helping me to explore and to cope with my mental health, as well as sharing my story in order to help others.

#DearFresherMe: An Introvert's Guide to a Successful Fresher's Week

Abi shares her experiences of Fresher�s Week, gives advice and reassures others who may be feeling anxious for Fresher�s Week.

-Abi

Two years ago, I was so excited to be starting at university: I was enrolled on a course I was passionate about, in a city I had fallen in love with, and I couldn�t wait to start my new adventure. But, just like in every good story, there was an obstacle which I first had to overcome. For me, this was the dreaded Fresher�s Week.

Expectation:

I had seen all about it on social media: it was to be a constant state of drunkenness, obligatory going out clubbing every night, playing beer pong with rowdy lads in an unknown flat, bright disco lights and loud rap music belting out of the student hall windows, a lack of sleep: no escape from hardcore socialising for a good seven days straight. And God forbid if I didn�t partake; I would have no friends for the next four years. (N.B., I had never been to a pub in my life, let alone a house party or a nightclub. I didn�t even know what beer tasted like!) Given these preconceptions, it was no surprise really that the anxious introvert I am thought long and hard about whether I should even attend Fresher�s Week at all.

Reality:

Nevertheless, in the end, I did attend � out of �FOMO� (Fear Of Missing Out) more than anything else. But, believe it or not, I actually really enjoyed the week! To reassure all those pyjama-loving introverts out there, here�s a snapshot of what I got up to in my first week at university: movie evenings with my flatmates, cupcake baking sessions, walks by the quay, brunch at Boston Tea Party, trips to Wilko followed by flat-decorating sessions and, of course, a mug of mint tea and an early night � every night. I neither went out clubbing nor attended a flat party once, and yet I still managed to make some great friends.

This said I do admit to being lucky to have had such like-minded flatmates. So, if my experience alone doesn�t put your mind at ease, just remember that all student societies run fresher taster sessions and events during the first few weeks of uni. So, even if you don�t quite bond with your flat, don�t fret! There are plenty of other opportunities to meet people which don�t involve loud music, dancing and excessive drinking. Hence, whether you fancy a picnic with Harry Potter Society, a board games evening with Games Society, a Yoga Society taster session, or an orchestra taster rehearsal, I can guarantee that Fresher�s Week will have something for you. In fact, I was surprised at the number of people I met at said society tasters who shared my social anxieties and who have remained some of my best friends to this day.

Rest Assured:

So, if all that you�ve seen on social media is making you anxious about Fresher�s Week, here�s some reassurance from someone who�s lived to tell the tale:

� There are plenty of fellow anxious-introverts; you just have to know where to find them (hint: that�s probably not at a night club). Try a yoga taster session or a Coffee and Cake Society social.

� Don�t put yourself out of your comfort zone just to become friends with the first people you meet. Next week you�ll find more like-minded people on your course.

� Last but not least, whilst other people might be great at pretending they�re having the time of their life, the truth is that everyone will have their ups and downs in the first few weeks. So, don�t kid yourself into thinking you�re alone if you�re finding it hard. Moving away from home and meeting new people isn�t easy, especially if you have a sensitive mind. It�s okay not to be okay. Contact your University Well-being services; they�re there to help you during the difficult times.

I�m Abi, a third-year Modern Languages student at the University of Exeter. I wish to use what I've learnt from my mental health struggles to help other students, as well as to break down the stigma surrounding issues to make it easier for people to speak out and seek help.