A Journey to Diagnosis

Daisy speaks about her experiences of mental illness at university and eventual diagnosis of autism.

-Daisy Shearer

I�ve suffered from anxiety for as long as I remember but it all came to a fore when I turned 16. With GCSEs over and done with, I started the transition into 6th form and struggled socially. Constantly self-criticising and feeling as if I did not fit in meant that I spiralled into a depression. At this point my body decided to manifest my stress in the form of shingles, giving me a good excuse to not attend school� for 10 weeks. This didn�t help me face my social anxiety and exacerbated my depression. 

I scraped through A-levels and miraculously got offered a place on the physics BSc course at my first choice of University. I had applied for the MPhys course and was on the fence about whether I should take up my place as I had started to doubt whether I was cut out to be a scientist. I decided to go for it.

Moving away from home was hard. I had to learn to look after myself and no longer had the comfort of the routine I was accustomed to back home. My depression worsened and by the end of first year I was considering dropping out. Luckily one of my friends took me to the university counselling service. Although I didn�t realise it, I had become depressed and wasn�t looking after myself properly. I needed a helping hand from somebody who wasn�t in my head to acknowledge that I needed help. I was offered 6 sessions but didn�t go to all of them as, at the time, my anxiety often prevented me from leaving my room. At the end of second year I got the grades to transfer onto the MPhys which I had originally applied to; I began to think that I could be a scientist after all. 

The MPhys included a year-long placement in industry and I chose a placement close to my family home. With another big change my depression got a lot worse, but this time my family was immediately around me for support. My mum accompanied me to the GP where I was prescribed antidepressants and referred to a psychiatrist. At last I was diagnosed: I had generalised anxiety, recurrent depression and mild OCD symptoms. 7 months later, I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. 

I applied for Disabled Students Allowance for my final semester and got examination adjustments plus a specialist mentor. My mood began to stabilise, and I developed techniques to manage what I now recognised as sensory overload. The adjustments made a huge difference to my results and in July 2018 I graduated from my MPhys with first-class honours! I was also offered a PhD project at Surrey. Now I�m a PhD student I have psychodynamic therapy fortnightly and prioritise my mental wellbeing. I�m more confident, self-assured and have fewer invasive thoughts as time goes on.

So, what should you do if you find things aren�t going to plan and you feel helpless?

� Take opportunities that come your way 

� Seek help if you can

� If you can�t bring yourself to access support services, ask a friend to accompany you, or seek out online counselling

� Never give up! Managing mental health conditions can be an uphill battle and takes time

� Build a support system- this can be family, friends, mental health professionals etc.

� Use online resources like Student Minds- read other people�s stories and explore what support is available.

For more information and advice on finding support, click here. 

Hi, I'm Daisy. I'm a first year PhD student in physics studying quantum technologies and spintronics. I graduated with an MPhys from the University of Surrey in 2018. I've suffered with anxiety and depression for many years and was recently diagnosed with autism. I wanted to share my experience on the Student Minds blog to help raise awareness about the support available to students.

I'm always happy to help discuss mental health as well as accessibility, equality & diversity so feel free to get in contact with me @DaisyShearer on Twitter or @notesfromthephysicslab on Instagram

Taking time for yourself - even when you don�t feel like it

Charlotte shares her thoughts on why studying less may improve your grades - and your mental health.

Have you ever had that feeling that you have no time to do the things you enjoy because of the looming pressure of studying? Maybe you�d love to watch a movie, hang out with friends, or just lie in a hot bath, but you can�t make space for it in your schedule. When you are struggling with your mental health, this feeling of taking time for yourself can feel even less deserved. For some, makes us feel guilty for doing anything other than university work, and can seriously impact our wellbeing and our productivity.

When I started Brunel University as a fresh-faced 18 year old, I told myself that I didn�t have time for any clubs or societies. I was going to focus on my education and get a kick-ass degree! Things didn�t exactly work out that way; because I had no hobbies, and nothing else to dedicate my time to, I spent way too long studying in the library, or late into the night. One of the biggest regrets of my university experience is that I didn�t take the time to make friends through clubs and societies. I didn�t find that social outlet that I needed to help with the isolation and loneliness that living away from home can bring.

This guilt over �me-time� got worse when I studied for a Master�s degree at Bristol UWE. Being a distance-learning course, I had even more of an opportunity to isolate myself due to the lack of a campus community, and the content of the course being completely online. I started to worry if I began working later than 9am. I wouldn�t give myself a lunch break longer than half an hour, and I completely neglected the need to exercise or just chill out.

Of course, this didn�t make me any better at studying. In fact, I spent most of my time worrying about studying and generally being inefficient, because studying was all I thought about. This resulted in me developing an anxiety disorder and unhealthy work habits that have stayed with me to this day, over a year after finishing my studies. According to the American Psychological Association, �excessive or inappropriate guilt� is a key symptom of clinical depression, so it�s not surprising that a lot of students with mental health issues feel guilty for taking time off from studying.

One of my fellow course mates had a part-time job, a netball coaching job, and various other hobbies and activities that she indulged in, always managing to spend time on her studies as well. That girl eventually really DID get a kick-ass degree!

As counter intuitive as it seems, taking time away from studying and spending a healthy amount of time on self-care is THE BIGGEST tool for success and wellbeing that there is! Everyone needs to recharge their batteries regularly. So, have a think about what you like to do to relax and unwind. Is it reading a book? Going for a run? Something that has really helped me is having a list of things that I know I enjoy readily available to me to look at when I feel I need a break. Another helpful tip is to make yourself clear, realistic, small goals every day. Something like: �today I will read 2 journal articles�. And then when you complete those tasks, don�t be tempted to give yourself more. You�ve done what you set out to do!

Too much studying can have a really big impact on our health and wellbeing, and can give us a distorted view of how much our grades mean in the grand scheme of things. Be kind to yourself and prioritise that me-time as much as you need.

Hi I�m Charlotte! I work at the London School of Economics looking at refining and improving the student experience in my department. I graduated with a BSc in Psychology in 2012, and an MSc in Sport and Exercise Psychology in 2017; these university experiences alerted me to the debilitating effect anxiety and depression can have on young people, as it was something I struggled with. Coming across the Student Minds blog made me wish I�d found a resource like this when I was studying, so I want to give back to the community by sharing my experience.

Nothing Compares to You - The Harmful Habit of Self-Comparison

It is important that we have a sense of self-worth that exists beyond our relation to others.

- Harry 

In everyday life, we constantly make comparisons. Putting one thing against another enables us to notice differences, make choices, and make sense of the world. However, when it comes to comparing ourselves to others, this can be very problematic. Although a competitive instinct and a desire to be the best can be a good motivator, basing our self-worth on how we relate to those around us is a precarious source of self-esteem that can have significant effects on our mood, our concentration, and our wellbeing. This is especially the case at university, where academic assessments, sports, job applications and other occasions for comparison are common. It is therefore crucial that we become aware of the intimate connection between self-comparison and mental health.

One of the most common factors that we compare at university is our intelligence. Surrounded by other talented people, it is easy to obsess over where we rank and make judgements on our own intelligence accordingly. Personally, my academic ability was always the source of my self-esteem. I came to university having done well at school and assumed I would be just as successful in higher education. However, I soon discovered that I was just one among many intelligent students. Although my grades weren�t bad, I was concerned with the fact that others were doing a lot better than me both academically and in terms of managing their workload. In comparison, I felt like I was failing. By relying on how I compared to others to discern my self-worth, I found myself feeling worthless and eventually this led to difficulties with anxiety and depression. If I hadn�t been so preoccupied with how others were doing and realised that I was doing perfectly fine, my mental wellbeing would have been much better.

Social media also has a large part to play in our tendency to compare ourselves. We are now so much more aware of where people are and what they are doing, which means that it�s easier than ever to compare our lives to theirs. If you�re feeling down or having trouble in your life, then scrolling through your news feed to see these artsy photos of friends smiling and having fun is likely to make you feel worse. What�s more, we often forget that these photos have been edited and framed, with the specific intention of depicting people in the most positive and flattering way, making our comparison to them all the more damaging to our self-esteem.

So what can we do to prevent self-comparison and take care of our mental health? I am not trying to say that we shouldn�t notice what others around us are doing or that we shouldn�t use social media; having an online presence is almost inevitable nowadays and seeing the achievements of others can be inspiring. But it is important that we have a sense of self-worth that exists beyond our relation to others. Setting personal goals, recording progress when learning a skill, and knowing what you want to achieve with your time is key and provides a much healthier source of self-esteem. As for social media, while reducing the time you spend online will lessen its impact on your wellbeing, maintaining a sense of what is real and what is manufactured is more crucial if you want to use social media in a healthy way.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, good moments and bad moments. It�s about time we put less energy into thinking about the lives of others and more effort into nurturing and recognising the talents and value that we have to offer.

Hi I'm Harry! I'm a fourth year English and French student at Durham. University has been a brilliant experience from the very beginning, but it as brought about some very difficult times for me too, forcing me to confront issues with anxiety and depression. Getting through these times would not have been possible without the family, friends and other support offered to me, so I want to help develop the community of people talking about mental health and finding ways to support one another.

You can find more support on starting university here and how to maintain your mental wellbeing during exam season here. 

Social Anxiety and How to Make Friends at University

Astrid talks about her journey to finding great friends at university.

- Astrid

Often students move halfway across the country to attend university, without knowing anyone else and having to fend for themselves for the first time. My biggest fear about joining uni was not making friends and I shared this fear with most other students. 

Being a fresher should be exciting and I didn�t want my worries to prevent me having any fun. Here are some ways I made making friends easier: I decided to volunteer abroad before I began university. I thought it would boost my confidence and make me more comfortable living and spending a lot of time with a new group of people. I was right! 

It introduced me to stepping outside my comfort zone for a shorter period of time. It also prepared me to meet a large group of new people and engage with them. Most of the people I met were also volunteering by themselves. Nobody knew anybody beforehand, and everyone was in the same boat!

The stories my fellow volunteers told me were surprising. Many others were volunteering for similar reasons to myself, to boost their confidence or even help manage their mental health. The coordinators even said that about a quarter of volunteers are on a form of medication or treatment for mental health conditions. Volunteering abroad is primarily done collectively, volunteers sharing their interest in helping others and the work they are doing, forming natural friendships with plenty to chat about in the evenings.

Since my first time volunteering, I have joined many different projects with different organisations, both affordable and expensive. The range of people from different backgrounds was far wider on more affordable programmes. 

I can�t be 100% sure if my teaching and building work was helping my anxiety as there were so many other things happening as well: meeting new people, living and working together, going out in the evenings and weekend tours. But I would definitely recommend volunteering as it totally worked for me and covers so many bases. I�m not sure if volunteering on my own on a computer in my room would�ve had the same effect!

Once I�d started university, I felt more confident talking to new people and wasn�t scared to live with a group of strangers. I am confident this wouldn�t have been possible without spending time volunteering abroad. However, I still didn�t feel comfortable knocking on people�s doors and introducing myself. I came up with another way to make friends. 

I thought if I joined clubs then I could meet people and we would share an interest, as it had worked with volunteering. I made a mistake in joining the football team to begin with. I knew the basic rule, kick the ball into the goal, and thought that it would be great exercise. But I hadn�t considered that the majority of people who had joined the football team had played football at school, some even knew each other from their schools playing each other in the past. My lack of skill made me stand out for all of the wrong reasons. 

After failing miserably at playing football, I chose to join the water polo team. No one on the team had ever played before and we were all novices. We instantly had something in common, our lack of water polo skills.

I also joined the ice-skating team. The first couple of lessons were spent with everyone continuously falling over. After the first time it became a joke and we bonded over sore bottoms and bruised legs. Volunteering abroad and joining clubs at university helped making friends effortless. I would recommend anyone who is nervous about making friends at university to volunteer abroad beforehand, even if it is only a couple of weeks before freshers.

When at uni, join as many groups as possible, the weirder and less common the club the more likely there will be fellow newbies who you can bond with over inexperience. 

Some Useful Links:Transition to UniKnow before you Go

Astrid Halliday loves travelling and especially getting away overseas to help build and develop a community. Volunteering many times with Original Volunteers and also with Habitat For Humanity, she loves sharing her passion and encouraging other to travel in a similar way.

Learning to cope when a mental health difficulty reappears

In this blog, Freya talks about how she managed when symptoms of anxiety reappeared after a long time of feeling well.

One of the hardest parts of dealing with anxiety for me was the fact that it came back. I think what so many people think � including myself � is that once you initially overcome these issues, they�re gone forever. But mental health doesn�t work like that.

When you overcome cancer you are in �remission�, you are not cured, you don�t have a lifetime guarantee of health. But, at least temporarily, you are not suffering the immediate effects of this disease. For mental health, I think it�s the same. Knowing that could help prepare you for the possibility that you will suffer from conditions and symptoms again.

When I started getting panic attacks again after months of feeling fine, I rang my mum, distraught that it could be happening again. Hadn�t I already been through this?

Although this time I had coping mechanisms which made my anxiety easier to deal with, it�s hard to feel in control when all that was going through my head was �not again, please not again�. Then you panic about the fact that you�re panicking. It�s a vicious circle of panic upon panic when, in actual fact, I knew I had the tools to deal with it. My counselling had been useful and effective, but I just felt this overwhelming shock that such panic could penetrate my life again after so much time feeling good.

It took me some time to accept the fact that my anxiety had taken a hold of my life again, but when I did, it was so much easier to deal with. I guess what�s important to remember is that there is no everlasting cure for mental health. That�s not to say that you�ll spend the rest of your life dealing with mental health difficulties. I just think it�s important to always be aware that there�s a possibility that it could come back. And if/when it does: remember to look outwards not inwards. Positivity over negativity. There�s nothing wrong with suffering; you are a stronger person for it.

Remember that the people around you are more understanding than you think, something I forget every time I feel awful. My housemates know I struggle with anxiety and they also know how to deal with it. Often people don�t naturally know how to help, so talk to the people you trust and tell them what you find useful. For example, I don�t need someone to ask me if I�m okay, I need them to list random things with me such as dog breeds. Let people in. Let them help you. 

Positive is definitely the last thing you are feeling when mental health issues recur. However, it�s probably the most useful emotion to have. I don�t really need to even feel that positive, I just need to tell myself I am. I�ll smile to myself or listen to a song I relate to a good memory and bring myself back to that positive mind frame that I know is never far away.

The challenge isn�t getting your life �back on track� because it�s not off the track, it�s just taken a slight detour. So, take a minute or a day or however long you need and try to remember how far you have come since you first started feeling low. If you used to go for a run once a week or save time to watch TV with your house mates, then do that again. Take as much time as you need to get back into the routine you built for yourself.

Mental health, just like anything medical, takes time. It doesn�t help to beat yourself up about it and it doesn�t help to forget everything you�ve worked towards. Don�t pressure yourself to be okay all the time, and don�t lose hope. Onwards and upwards.

I am a journalism student at the University of Leeds, in my second year. Writing about mental health and reducing any remaining stigma is important for me because I have seen my friends struggle with mental health as well as struggling with it myself. Writing has always been a useful outlet for me and I want to help as many people as I can going through university. 

My Experiences with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

In this blog, Emily writes on her experience of trauma and PTSD

-Emily

CN: discusses difficult topics. 

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can be caused by a wide range of traumatic experiences, either through being involved in or by witnessing traumatic events. 

You can find out more about the causes, symptoms and treatment for PTSD either on the Mind website, or the NHS website. This blog is going to explain my personal experience with PTSD and how I have dealt with it. 

My PTSD has been caused by an incident I was involved in six months ago which has left me shaken and shocked and scared, but it also happened at the worst possible time. I was about a week away from taking my final exam at university and it was the day before the Swansea Student Media awards evening, which I had been looking forward to for months as it was my final opportunity to attend the annual event. Despite the incident happening six months ago, I have only recently been in discussion with my doctor about PTSD because I didn�t realise that the incident was still affecting me so much, because I�ve been so distracted with everything else. 

Looking back, I don�t think I managed my emotions effectively, shortly after the incident. Even though I am pleased with myself for not completely shutting down, I wish I�d taken more time to let myself feel a bit more. Saying that, in the days after the incident took place, I didn�t get through one day without crying at least once and I learnt that that is normal and completely okay. However, I was also so focused on my exam and what to do after university that I totally pushed the incident out of my mind. 

Recently, I was triggered by something so badly that it was as though that incident happened yesterday, and I was more shaken up by reliving the whole thing all over again. 

Being diagnosed with PTSD has meant that I�ve had to learn to acknowledge what my triggers are and then how to calm myself down if I experience a trigger. This is by no means easy, but it�s a learning process. Not having the focus of university or the support that I had at university has been something that I�ve found difficult with this whole experience. However, one thing that I have found that helps me is to explore the topic of PTSD through creative writing. Furthermore, confiding in people about my struggles and about the incident also helps. 

What I recall from the blurry days after the incident, one of the things that really got me through those difficult, emotional days was the support of people around me at university. I almost considered not attending that awards ceremony but I had people there who made me feel comfortable and safe which I will always appreciate. I also had support and belief from those around me that I could push through and do my final exam and while I didn�t do as well as I wanted to do, I passed and at my graduation in July, I was able to say that I didn�t let that incident get in the way of my goal of graduating. 

This experience has changed my perspective on life significantly. Not only has it taught me that I can get through almost anything, it also taught me who my real friends are. I also learnt that after a traumatic experience, one�s emotions are likely to be all over the place for quite a while afterwards. Like with any mental health difficulty, PTSD takes time to get through and you may find yourself experiencing triggers and flashbacks years down the line. It�s important to recognise these triggers and to know how to deal with them. 

My name is Emily (Em). I have recently graduated from Swansea University with my BA degree in Modern Languages, Translation & Interpreting; I was also passionate about and dedicated to Swansea Student Media and the University students� newspaper � Waterfront. I blog for Student Minds because I have experienced mental health issues as a student and now as a graduate, as well as other health issues, and I support friends who also have mental health difficulties. I am a passionate writer and writing has been important in my mental health experiences � both in helping me to explore and to cope with my mental health, as well as sharing my story in order to help others.

Understanding negative thought process - and reclaiming control

In this blog, Romana describes different types of thinking processes that can have a negative impact upon your mental health, and explores ways in which we can manage them.

Earlier today when I was walking through town, I felt my nose tingle. Immediately I thought: �Oh my God. I�m going to sneeze. This could cause a nosebleed. Here, in public. I won�t have any tissues and I�ll make a huge mess. I might even faint and have to be taken away in an ambulance. I�ll be stuck in hospital and won�t be able to make my meeting tomorrow.� Upon reflection, this is arguably one of the most ridiculous thought processes that I�ve ever had. But at the time, the threat and the fear felt very real to me.

Every day, many of us get stuck in negative, unhelpful thinking patterns like this. Thoughts that drive fear, panic and low mood. Thoughts that, if we stepped back and actually considered, are doing more bad than good, and might not be entirely reasonable.

The type of thinking that I have described above is called catastrophic thinking: taking a small situation and blowing it out of proportion. This thinking pattern is very common in those of us with anxiety disorders. Another common example for me could be when I struggle with a coursework question, and I will immediately think: �I can�t do this. I will fail this coursework, and then the whole module. My degree grade will slip, and I won�t be good enough to get the graduate job that I want.� With this completely skewed outlook, it�s no wonder that we begin to feel anxious and panic.

Another negative thinking pattern is black or white thinking: an either/or mentality, where we fail to see that there are grey areas in-between the black and white. This kind of thinking involves a lot of �never� and �always� statements: �I am never comfortable in social situations� or �I always fail at essays�. Everything is negative or positive, and we fail to see that there is a middle ground. For me, my black or white thinking is paired with depression. On my least productive days I will think: �No way will I get a first-class degree, I am going to fail�. This leads me to feelings of helplessness and hopeless, not recognising that there are grades between first-class and failure.

There are lots of negative thinking patterns like this. Unrealistic expectations: �I need to get a first in every exam, nothing less is good enough�. Self-blame: �My housemate seems irritated, it must be something I said�. Disqualifying the positive: �My grade was good, but I probably just got lucky�. These distorted thinking patterns are all linked to mental health disorders, so it is worth researching them and finding which ones you can recognise in yourself. This way, you are in a position to change your thinking and reduce your anxiety.

What we really need to do is catch these thought processes and challenge them. Question them. Ask, �What is my evidence for thinking this way, and is it reasonable?� I have found that learning more about distorted thinking has been very helpful in understanding my anxiety. It makes me feel in control, which is something that many of us with anxiety feel we are lacking.

So, if you haven�t already, I would encourage you to learn more about and become engaged with your negative thinking � you may be able to understand and help yourself much better.

My name is Romana, and I am a fourth year Maths student at the University of Exeter. I have never been one to open up about my struggles with mental health, but I have decided to write for the Student Minds blog as a way to express and understand what I have been going through, as well as to hopefully bring reassurance to others who are feeling as I have.

When Molehills Become Mountains

Katherine shares her tips on how to deal with overthinking. 

- Katherine Lund

I overthink EVERYTHING. I worry all the time. I worry about what I said, what I didn�t say, whether to go to a party or stay in and watch a film, what to wear, how to act, how to be and what to say. I ask myself so many questions. I think of the what-ifs and should-I-have�s. I over-analyse and I self-destruct. I make mountains out of molehills. But I can�t help it. Or can I?

Over the last few years I�ve come up with ways to stop myself overthinking.

They�ve helped so much that now I am able to stop myself, pause, and have more control. So here are my tips�

I stop comparing myself to other people.

I used to do this especially around my sister. Now, I say we�re completely different people. We�ve had different experiences. I�ve had various issues I�ve had to deal with and those have been massively important in shaping who I am today. Everyone is different. What might be your strong suit might be your best friends� weakness and vice versa. Don�t compare when you don�t have a reason to compare.

I stop thinking about the worst that can happen, and start thinking about the best outcome.

When I get into that horrible mindset of thinking about all of the negative things that could happen, I shift my focus to what could go right. It�s all positive.

I try not to be a perfectionist. 

It�s great to be ambitious. That�s fantastic. But perfection is not going to happen. It�s like �fetch� in Mean Girls� It�s never gunna happen. Just face it. Tip: Mean Girls is a great film. Watch it.

I found friends that love and support me for who I am.

They help me challenge that inner critic, so I can be a more confident, and less self-deprecating human being. Choose your friends wisely. A good friend is someone that appreciates you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.

I try not to think about the future too much.

I find that instead of making me feel good, it makes me anxious and worried. Live in the present. The �here and now�, as my therapist used to say. If you�re constantly thinking about the future, you�re not spending enough time focusing on yourself now. And what�s going on in your life now. Or what�s making you happy now. Live in the moment. Try not to look ahead too much. It�s tiring and isn�t actually that productive in the long run.

When I find myself overthinking something, I ask myself how much it will matter in the next few months, or days, or even hours.

Usually, it doesn�t matter in the slightest. Something like which biscuit to buy at Tesco � yeah I might not have the best type of biscuit for dipping in my tea, but does it really matter? Will it ruin my day? No. You can dip any biscuit into tea. It�s still going to be yummy. Next time you�re worried about overthinking something, take a step back and work out how much it will affect you in the long run. I bet it won�t be as much of a deal as you thought it was.

Finally, I don�t think about plan B, because that makes me feel rubbish. 

Instead, I tweak plan A a little. In fact, I screw plan B all together.

Hi I�m Kat! I�m a mental health blogger from Norwich, and current university student at UEA. I write about everything, from student stress to sexuality, from anxiety to relationships. I love writing because it helps me in my recovery, but also because it can help other people too! I can�t wait to share my stories with you.

You can find more support on anxiety here.

What do I do after graduation?

Manuela writes about the uncertainty and anxiety of employment after uni, and the importance of self-care.

- Manuela

�I took the first job I could and ended up in a far worse state than I would have after a few more months at home working out what would make me happy�.

After Graduation - What Happens?

Once my course had finished, I clung by my fingernails to my tiny London flat until, jobless and bored stiff, I was collected by my parents after graduation. They whisked me back to the middle of rural nowhere, where I set up camp with my laptop and a notepad, and tried to think of what I�d learned over the past three years that might be an employable skill�. And so began the toughest year I�ve had to date.

My boyfriend and most of my friends had another year to go until graduation; to me it was imperative that I find a way back to them in London. But my greatest fear wasn�t loneliness, it was lack of identity. For the past three years I�d put �student� as my occupation, and for the past 19 years of my life my raison d'�tre was to fill my tiny head with knowledge. Now that I�d run out of things to learn, who was I now?

I had no idea whatsoever what I might enjoy, or what I would be good at in the �real world�. Through trial and error, I eventually discovered a job title for which the description seemed to fit my personality, and the benefits and starting salary seemed unbelievably generous. I landed my first interview for the position of �junior recruitment consultant�. Manuela - 1 : Hopelessness - 0. I was convinced I was on the road to success now. But I hadn�t stopped to consider what would make me happy�. 

Losing Myself to Work 

Fast-forward through a whirlwind of sickening interviews and miserable morning commutes, I�m a fledgling recruiter and I hate my life. I was balancing my job with rowing, a boyfriend and friends all still at university, staying �in shape� and job hunting for the mystery career that, I believed, would be my ticket to happiness. These were all leftovers from my former student life; I couldn�t throw them away. Most of my support network still being at university, I had nobody to benchmark against and nobody to recognise, when I couldn�t, exactly when �not OK� turned into �really not OK�. I was crying on the tube to and from work, at rowing I was terrified of messing up and consequently my performance plummeted. The only time my boyfriend and I could see each other was the occasional weekday evening and our relationship had started to nose-dive. I couldn�t remember what I used to be like at university, or what I was supposed to be looking for now. 

I hadn�t found a permanent flat, so I didn�t have a GP, let alone the time to go and see one. So it wasn�t until I finally turned to Google that I discovered there was a name for what I was feeling: anxiety. I�d never suffered from a mental health problem before - I struggled coming to terms with it so I sat on the problem for a while hoping it would go away. It took me another four months before I booked a doctors� appointment, by which time, I�d handed my manager my notice. 

I wouldn�t want anyone else who�s just graduated to make the same mistake as me. I was petrified of reaching September - the month I�ve always started a new term or school or subject - and finding myself trapped at home, doing absolutely nothing and feeling like I was worth even less. I took the first job I could and ended up in a far worse state than I would have after a few more months at home working out what would make me happy. 

Finding What Matters 

Now I�m in the exact same position as this time last year, but this time around, I�m backing myself. If spending my days in an office, or working in London will make me feel the way I felt, then I�m going to have enough self-respect and confidence to turn my back on that lifestyle. I�m going by trial and error again, but this time I�m trying my hand at freelance writing, trying to make enough to fund a lifestyle where I can spend the majority of my time outdoors. This time a year ago I didn�t believe I�d be good enough for a dream job if I did find it, let alone be confident enough to slow down and work out what I really valued. Now I respect myself enough to do what makes me feel good about myself. 

A job is a job, it will give you money, yes, and something to put on your LinkedIn. But if it�s going to be the thing you rely on to give you value and purpose, I�d urge you to stop for a moment. 

You don�t need a title to tell you you�re enough. Do what makes you happy.

I'm Manuela and I'm a King's College London graduate. I had excellent mental health until after university, when I immediately started suffering from anxiety. I'm sharing my experiences of struggling during the period immediately after university when most people lose the support they had while studying. I'm hopeful that by sharing my story and advice I'll be able to help people going through a similar experience realize that they're not alone.

You can find more support on anxiety here. Image taken from here.

�But I�m not depressed enough�: Don�t wait for crisis point to seek help

Romana writes about her experiences of mental health difficulties and the importance of recognising the signs, speaking up early and asking for help.

- Romana

�By allowing myself to reach such a low point of my life before I finally got help, I made my recovery so much harder than it needed to be�.

I always knew that I was probably a little depressed. I displayed plenty of symptoms; low mood and self-esteem, avoiding social events, feelings of emptiness, self-harm. But, I was in a good relationship, I had good friends, and often, I was genuinely quite happy. Plus, I argued that because I didn�t match every symptom, I was probably coping fine. I didn�t struggle to concentrate. I was quite often tired, yes, but that was probably normal. And I definitely wasn�t suicidal. �There are people out there who are really struggling�, I thought, �I�m not depressed enough�. 

However, a friend urged me to visit a counsellor. I went, and I started a 6-week course of CBT. Although this was probably the right thing to do, I didn�t really engage with the therapy. I liked sitting down and talking to somebody about my thoughts, but I made no effort outside of the sessions. I didn�t attempt the activities that the therapist recommended. I didn�t journal my thoughts and feelings, or push myself to go to any social events. I just thought: I don�t need to have my life organised by a counsellor, I�m not depressed enough�.

When therapy ended, I carried on as I had been. I�m hardworking, so I spent a lot of time at university studying. I didn�t join any societies, I didn�t do any sports, and I definitely didn�t socialize if I could help it. Instead I would mostly just work alone in my room. I was putting immense pressure on myself to succeed and, coupled with my consistent low mood, it became a very delicate emotional balance; one which was nearly at tipping point. 

During exam season, I was confident. But then one day, I was having lunch alone, and I had a terrible panic attack. I was terrified: it felt like my entire mind and existence were falling away from me. Sitting in bed with a cup of tea afterwards, I had another. Then, that evening during dinner, another. My mind connected the dots in the wrong places, and I blamed mealtimes for this awful panic that I was feeling. The obvious solution seemed to stop eating. By my final exam, I was weak, overwhelmingly anxious, and felt like I might break down at any second. Somehow, I made it through the two-hour exam, but by the next day I had been taken home from university very ill. 

I spent the entire summer attempting to recover, trying to crawl out of the hole that I had fallen into. The hardest part was overcoming my fear of eating. I was referred to the psychiatric liaison team at the hospital, and then to the depression and anxiety service. At this point, I was really struggling. I felt helpless, and without hope. I found it hard to envision my future anymore, and struggled to fathom how I could ever be happy again. Gradually, my wellbeing improved over the three months of summer, and I was able to return to university for my final year. 

To get to where I am now has been such a long and difficult journey. By allowing myself to reach such a low point of my life before I finally got help, I made my recovery so much harder than it needed to be. Rather than accepting the help of a therapist early on, or reaching out and talking to my parents about how I felt, it took letting myself completely break down before I finally believed that I was depressed enough for help. 

The reality is: any behaviour, thoughts or feelings that are out of the ordinary for you are worth your attention. Whether your diet and sleep patterns are suffering; or you can�t find the energy to socialize anymore; or maybe sometimes your mind wanders to dark places. Ask yourself why this is happening, and make an effort to change it. It is so important not to ignore how you�re feeling, just because you don�t match all the symptoms, or because you don�t believe that your problems are valid enough. Maintaining a positive wellbeing is always important, and I can�t emphasize enough how important it is to speak up and ask for help as soon as you notice that something is wrong. 

You can find more support on depression here, anxiety here, and eating disorders here. 

My name is Romana, and I am a fourth year Maths student at the University of Exeter. I have never been one to open up about my struggles with mental health, but I have decided to write for the Student Minds blog as a way to express and understand what I have been going through, as well as to hopefully bring reassurance to others who are feeling as I have.

#DearFresherMe: Eating disorder recovery, finding balance and self-compassion

In this blog, Ana reflects on the advice she�d give her younger self on starting university with a history of mental health difficulties and learning to thrive in a time of big change and transition. 

Moving to university having suffered from an eating disorder can seem an anxious and lonely prospect. Universities place a big emphasis on socialising, which inevitably includes eating and drinking. This terrified me before leaving home: what if my eating disorder stopped me from meeting new people and not being as social as I was expected to be? Making your own food can also be really hard. The newfound independence and responsibility makes it easy to revert into old habits, and the fear of people watching me eat or commenting on my food preferences all played a part in the nervous emotions I felt leaving home.

So, as I head into my final year, what would I say to my fresher self now?

First of all, everyone has their own thing going on. People aren�t really too bothered about your odd habits or irrational insecurities. Everyone is scared, everyone is anxious and everyone is probably in the same boat, having some sort of fear. In a kind of weird way, it�s nice to remember this because it can make you feel less alien, and less alone. So just trust yourself!

Secondly, and most importantly, I would tell myself to have fun. University is a once in a life time experience. There�s so much to learn, so take advantage of that. Keep busy, find new hobbies, meet new people, and soon enough, the fears you had leaving home won�t seem so scary. You�ll end up spending the holidays waiting to go back to your student city, back to your friends, and back to studying what you love!

Having said all that, there will be days where things are difficult, and you can feel lonely. It may seem like no one understands what�s going through your head. Sometimes you just want to stay in and have time to yourself or do something to unwind. This is totally normal, and Yoga and Meditation societies often have plenty of members keen to take a step back and enjoy some time to chill. 

No matter what you feel, there is always support and someone you can talk to. There will always be someone who �gets� it, whether you final them in a mental health society or amongst your flatmates. The wellbeing departments at university also offer amazing support: they understand that university can be a fun but challenging time, and the big changes can continue to affect you even once you�ve settled in. Don�t be afraid to reach out. It�s normal to struggle sometimes, and as much as everyone else seems to be having fun, almost all of us will feel a bit blue at some point throughout the year. 

Finally, find the balance of you-time and having fun. They�re both as important as each other. Before you know it, you�ll be in your graduation gown thinking, where did the time go?!

I�m a third year Drama student at University of Exeter, and have loved my time at uni. There have been ups and downs but I wouldn�t change a thing. I am hoping to share my experience of my own mental health struggles in order to reassure someone moving to university that everything always works out!

#DearFresherMe: Making friends, switching courses and missing home

In this blog, Laura shares the advice she'd give her younger self about starting university and managing all the challenges along the way.

When it comes to friends, it�s about quality not quantity.

In the first few weeks everybody talks to everybody, but real friendships stand the test of time. Finding your tribe is a tricky process, so it�s okay if your first friends at university don�t last beyond the first term. It might take a while to meet your people, but at the end of the day true friendships bring out the best in you; a handful of close buddies will get you through far more than a thousand Facebook friends will.

Feeling lonely and homesick is much more common than people will have you believe.

I cannot stress this enough. No matter what people say, everyone will � at some point � miss their home or their mum or their dog or their bed. Going to university rips you out of your comfort zone and throws you in the deep end. It�s absolutely normal to miss your home life.

First year is unlikely to be the best year.

In a twist of fate, my final year was actually the best of them all. I truly loved the city, I knew campus like the back of my hand, and I lived with the most wonderful friends I could ask for. In comparison, my first year was extremely average: I was self-conscious and insecure; I missed my boyfriend from home; I was lonely and homesick; and I didn�t know how to talk to anyone about what I was feeling. Although I did have a lot of fun, and the newfound independence and freedom was exciting, it was also unsettling and for a lot of the time I didn�t feel all that good. This is normal. It takes a while to find your place, so don�t freak out if first year isn�t everything you hoped for.

You can change your mind about your course.

I began studying joint honours but dropped to single honours in my final year. One of my friends actually changed degrees twice. At eighteen, deciding what to study for the next three years, or more, of your life and potentially directing your career, is a big ask and not everyone gets it right the first time. Most universities allow students to change courses within the first few weeks, but if it gets beyond that, and you�re still not happy, talk to your tutors and they will help you. You�re investing a lot of time and money into your degree, so it�s important to study something you love.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

When it comes to social media, people are only putting out what they want you to see. So when it looks like someone is having the absolute time of their life, it�s easy to compare. You might start thinking that you aren�t having enough fun, or you haven�t made enough friends, or you�re the only one in the country who isn�t actually enjoying university, but I can assure you this is not the case. Take everything you see online with a pinch of salt; it�s just a snapshot of a life and things are rarely as hunky dory as they seem.

Look after your mental and physical health.

Above everything, this is the most important thing to remember. Do the really boring stuff like sign up to the GP and make sure you know what emotional support is available if needed. Most universities have counselling services, support groups and mental health advisers whose sole purpose is to support you; never be afraid to ask for help.

My name's Laura and I'm a postgraduate student at Bournemouth University. I'm writing for Student Minds to share my experience of mental health difficulties at university and to encourage others to reach out for support.

#DearFresherMe: 5 Tips on how to maintain mental wellbeing

Emily writes about the experience of starting University, and gives five tips on how to maintain mental wellbeing.

- Emily

Having finished my degree and graduated from Swansea University this summer, and having a younger brother preparing to return to Swansea for his second year, I have found myself feeling disappointed that I�m not one of those students either excitedly looking forward to going back to University, or anticipating starting University for the first time. 

If I could rewind the past five years and start my time at Swansea University all over again, I would. There are some things that I would definitely do differently, and there are some things that I wish I knew when I started University. 

1) Firstly, I would not try so hard to �fit in�. My thing has absolutely never been nights out involving alcohol and clubs and bars. In my first year, I paid so much money for a Freshers� wristband and I only went to one event, which I ended up leaving almost as soon as I arrived because I had a panic attack. It wasn�t until I joined the Hogwarts society halfway during the first term that I really started to settle in a bit more, and make close friends. 

2) Secondly, if I could relive my entire University experience again, I would try to make more of my compulsory year abroad. Whilst I feel that my mental health difficulties prevented me from getting the most out of it, studying abroad is such a fantastic and valuable opportunity, so I would still definitely recommend it!

3) Thirdly, I would definitely get involved with Student Media opportunities a lot sooner than I did. Being involved with Swansea Student Media, especially the students� newspaper � Waterfront � was something that I got so much out of and became extremely passionate about and just enjoyed it so very much. I would make the most of such opportunities and other volunteering or work experience opportunities. 

4) Fourthly, if I could do University again, I think I would focus on myself a lot more, in terms of relationships, my sexuality and discovering who I am. I spent too much time trying to impress people who perhaps, in hindsight, I definitely should not have been trying so hard to impress. Instead, I would try to love myself more.

5) Finally, I think I would tell myself to just focus on my own journey, my own degree, and my own experiences and to try not to worry about having to impress people whether it�s friends, family, colleagues etc.! Also, I would remind myself that it�s okay to change my mind about what I want to do after graduation! 

We go to University with our own priorities, looking to experience different things and some people struggle to adapt more than others do. One of the main things that I have taken from my University journey is that it�s perfectly okay to put myself first, and not worry so much about trying to fit in and impress other people.

You can find more support on starting university, and managing some of the challenges it brings, here. 

My name is Emily (Em). I have recently graduated from Swansea University with my BA degree in Modern Languages, Translation & Interpreting; I was also passionate about and dedicated to Swansea Student Media and the University students� newspaper � Waterfront. I blog for Student Minds because I have experienced mental health issues as a student and now as a graduate, as well as other health issues, and I support friends who also have mental health difficulties. I am a passionate writer and writing has been important in my mental health experiences � both in helping me to explore and to cope with my mental health, as well as sharing my story in order to help others.