#DearFresherMe: Eating disorder recovery, finding balance and self-compassion

In this blog, Ana reflects on the advice she�d give her younger self on starting university with a history of mental health difficulties and learning to thrive in a time of big change and transition. 

Moving to university having suffered from an eating disorder can seem an anxious and lonely prospect. Universities place a big emphasis on socialising, which inevitably includes eating and drinking. This terrified me before leaving home: what if my eating disorder stopped me from meeting new people and not being as social as I was expected to be? Making your own food can also be really hard. The newfound independence and responsibility makes it easy to revert into old habits, and the fear of people watching me eat or commenting on my food preferences all played a part in the nervous emotions I felt leaving home.

So, as I head into my final year, what would I say to my fresher self now?

First of all, everyone has their own thing going on. People aren�t really too bothered about your odd habits or irrational insecurities. Everyone is scared, everyone is anxious and everyone is probably in the same boat, having some sort of fear. In a kind of weird way, it�s nice to remember this because it can make you feel less alien, and less alone. So just trust yourself!

Secondly, and most importantly, I would tell myself to have fun. University is a once in a life time experience. There�s so much to learn, so take advantage of that. Keep busy, find new hobbies, meet new people, and soon enough, the fears you had leaving home won�t seem so scary. You�ll end up spending the holidays waiting to go back to your student city, back to your friends, and back to studying what you love!

Having said all that, there will be days where things are difficult, and you can feel lonely. It may seem like no one understands what�s going through your head. Sometimes you just want to stay in and have time to yourself or do something to unwind. This is totally normal, and Yoga and Meditation societies often have plenty of members keen to take a step back and enjoy some time to chill. 

No matter what you feel, there is always support and someone you can talk to. There will always be someone who �gets� it, whether you final them in a mental health society or amongst your flatmates. The wellbeing departments at university also offer amazing support: they understand that university can be a fun but challenging time, and the big changes can continue to affect you even once you�ve settled in. Don�t be afraid to reach out. It�s normal to struggle sometimes, and as much as everyone else seems to be having fun, almost all of us will feel a bit blue at some point throughout the year. 

Finally, find the balance of you-time and having fun. They�re both as important as each other. Before you know it, you�ll be in your graduation gown thinking, where did the time go?!

I�m a third year Drama student at University of Exeter, and have loved my time at uni. There have been ups and downs but I wouldn�t change a thing. I am hoping to share my experience of my own mental health struggles in order to reassure someone moving to university that everything always works out!

How to Succeed at University with Autism

Eloise writes about the challenges of being at university with autism, and gives her advice on managing change, disclosure and making friends.

- Eloise Stark 

Approximately 3% of students in higher education are autistic. I am one of them, and have successfully navigated my way to a PhD - although not without challenges. Here, I share my advice for how to succeed at university when you are autistic. 

Change

Change is really hard for autistic students. Going to a new and unfamiliar city can be terribly daunting. Before I came to Oxford to study, I visited many times so that I became familiar with the city and the layout of the colleges, libraries, and departments. If it�s too far for you to travel, you can use Google Maps to navigate the city and work out routes between key places (accommodation, your department, the sports centre etc.) 

Give yourself credit for the extra energy expended while getting used to change. Take more rest breaks, and try not to do too much in one go. I find that change makes me a lot more anxious, so I compensate for that by spending more time in places where I can relax. 

Disclosure

A big question mark hangs over the decision to disclose your autism to the university, tutors, and friends. Many people who have not disclosed their autism express fear about the possibility of stigma or discrimination. Whilst this is a really valid fear, it is important to remember that the Equality Act (2010) asserts that it is unlawful for an educational institution to discriminate against anyone with autism, and you can complain if you feel you have been discriminated against. 

Declaring your autism to the university can open avenues to support. For example, you may be eligible for a specialist mentor provided by Disability Students� Allowance (DSA). I have a mentor, and it helps to be able to chat to someone regularly about my course and experience of studying. You can also get specialist equipment from the DSA, such as mind-mapping software or a laptop. 

Disclosing your autism to friends is a personal decision, and you should never feel obliged to do anything that you�re not fully comfortable with. I prefer to get to know someone really well before I choose to tell them. The advantage of telling friends is that they can look out for you if you are in a situation that you find difficult, such as a party or a group seminar. 

Safe space on campus 

If you find the hubbub of campus stressful, you can always approach your university to ask them to provide a �safe space� for when anxiety is high and you need a low-stimulation environment to relax in. You might prefer to go to the library, or you may choose to ask for somewhere specific to be designated. Your university is obliged to make �reasonable adjustments� for students with disabilities. 

Making friends

Making friends is nerve-wracking for every student, including autistic students. My advice would be to join societies and sports clubs, to meet like-minded people. I�m a member of the Oxford University Walking Club, the Origami Society, and I also enjoy rowing, which allows me to socialise but in a more structured way. Don�t worry if you don�t click with the people living nearby � you will have plenty more opportunities to make friends, including with the people on your course. 

It is also important to remember that lots of students don�t like drinking alcohol or going on alcohol-fuelled nights out. For autistic students, the noise and bright flashing lights of a club can send us into sensory overload. If the people you live with are into this kind of thing, don�t feel pressure to join in if you don�t want to. 

See the positives

Many autistic students excel at university. Our focus, ability to spend hours working on things we find interesting, and attention to detail make us great scholars. Allow yourself to thrive and flourish. Celebrate every tiny victory. Find your �tribe� � like-minded others who you get on with. And most importantly, if things aren�t going so well, please reach out for help because there is always a way around a problem. Good luck! 

Hi, my name is Eloise and I am a second year PhD student at Oxford University, studying at the intersection between Neuroscience and Psychiatry. I am passionate about mental health, reducing stigma and increasing empathy for people experiencing distress. 

Twitter: @eloiseastark / @HedoniaResearch 

#DearFresherMe: Loneliness at University

In this blog Trina talks about her experience with loneliness at university and reassures others who might be in a similar situation. 

-Trina

Before coming to university, I was surrounded by the idea that, "At university you will make your lifelong friends," and "university will be the best three years of your life." I'm sure this is a common expectation for people starting at University. My high expectations were soon crushed as I started life in Leeds. I began to see groups begin to form - groups that I wasn't part of. I wasn't sure if it was my reluctance to put myself �out there,� or if I just hadn't met the right people yet. My anxiety made me feel too awkward to socialise sober, and even with my lovely flatmates I felt disconnected to everyone. I visited home often due to having a large group of friends back there. I sort of ignored the loneliness I felt when I was back at uni because I knew that my friends would be waiting for me back at home, ready to pick up as if I'd never moved away.

I did have friends at university, but no one close that I could just chill with sober, doing nothing and no one that I could message about anything but my uni work. My friends at home kept telling me, "you've not been there long. It takes time to get close to people." But it was hard listening to them when everyone else seemed so close and happy.

It wasn't long until I realised that a lot of other people were in a similar situation to me. Friendships take a while to grow and my impatience and overthinking obviously didn't help as I continued to feel hopeless about my social situation at uni. At the end of my first semester, a group had begun to form with me in it; yet I still felt like an outsider tagging along. It wasn't until I came back after Christmas that I started to feel like more of the group. I decided to stop going home every weekend and instead socialise more with this new group at uni. It was difficult, and I do still feel lonely a lot there but I'm feeling more positive knowing that everyday my friendships are growing and becoming closer and stronger.

My advice to people starting at University is not to worry if you haven't made "best friends" in the first few months - it will happen in time. Remember that everyone is in the same position and most people will get lonely at some point, but it will pass, and you will meet so many amazing people.

I am a 20-year-old mental health blogger and Film-making student from Manchester. I love writing and have a passion for helping others. You can read more of my work at www.happyandhealing.co.uk 

#DearFresherMe: First Year Expectations vs. Reality

Lucy reflects on her experience at university and describes how the expectations that Freshers face can compare with reality.

- Lucy

#DearFresherMe,

If you�re reading this, it�s highly likely that your first days at university are within close reach or perhaps they have even already begun. Are you feeling excited? That's expected! Are you feeling a little nervous? That's totally normal! Are you absolutely terrified and beginning to feel unsure of your decision? That's also very common too! Hopefully this post can help you realise that you won't be the only one experiencing these mixed emotions.

"University will be the best years of your life" is probably a phrase you�ll have heard over and over again since you received confirmation that you�re going to uni. Whilst this can feel very encouraging, it can also feel incredibly daunting as it creates expectations and pressures that you may end up finding difficult to meet.

For some people, university can actually be the most challenging and difficult years of their life. So, repeatedly hearing this particular phrase can lead them to feel isolated, alone and disappointed in themselves as their experiences don�t seem to be matching the �picture-perfect� experience that university is made out to be.

It's very important to remember that if this is how you feel, you're not alone. Many other students are feeling the exact same way! So, whilst this phrase may turn out true for many students, it�s worth noting it is also far from the truth for many others. Try not to let the pressures and expectations cloud your vision or make you feel bad about the experiences you do have; your university experience is going to be completely personal to you. University isn't always going to be a smooth ride and it's totally normal for it to be a rocky road instead.

It�s okay to be scared. It's okay to miss home. It's okay to feel a little out of your depth.

The first few weeks or even months of University can be very tough for many people. Due to the high expectations of it being nothing but absolute joy and excitement, it can make dealing with the difficult times a lot harder to cope with, especially alone. 

Remember, being away from home for the first time is a big change, and not something anyone expects you to find easy. It�s okay to be scared and to miss home. It's totally normal to feel out of your depth and unsure whether you are even going to stick it out. It�s completely fine to cry and to want to call your parents whenever you want and need to. 

Being open with others about how you feel is probably going to make you feel so much better in the long run. Express your feelings rather than try and push them away because it's completely normal to be feeling the way that you are.

Everyone else around me is having the best time but I'm not feeling it. What's wrong with me?

Nothing! Nothing is wrong with you at all. I can guarantee that you are not the only one who isn't having the best time. If you talk to those around you, there is a high chance that they will be going through the same thing too but feel too nervous to admit it themselves. 

Everyone is trying to live out the high expectations that have been set, that they may fear being open about how they really feel. If you take that first step and be honest with how you are feeling, you may end up helping some other people along the way.

Overall, university is an incredible experience, and one that for me personally was life-changing. However, this doesn't mean that every single aspect of it is going to be an easy ride. The experience will be different for every person, so it's important to focus on your own, without making comparisons to other people around you. Try to make the most of the good times but don't try and hide the hard times. Be open, speak about them and don't be afraid to admit when you're struggling.

You are never alone and there will always be someone who is going through a similar thing.

If you would like more support on starting university, and managing some of the challenges it brings, click here.

Hello! I'm Lucy, a Clinical Psychology Masters student at Anglia Ruskin University! Through studying Psychology and experiencing life as a student, I have become incredibly passionate about mental health and helping to make a positive change. I have been volunteering for Student Minds for the past 2 years as a Peer Support Facilitator at my university and the Editor of the Student Minds blog. I also have my own blog to help spread awareness around mental health - https://lucyrebekah.wordpress.com/

#DearFresherMe: Making friends, switching courses and missing home

In this blog, Laura shares the advice she'd give her younger self about starting university and managing all the challenges along the way.

When it comes to friends, it�s about quality not quantity.

In the first few weeks everybody talks to everybody, but real friendships stand the test of time. Finding your tribe is a tricky process, so it�s okay if your first friends at university don�t last beyond the first term. It might take a while to meet your people, but at the end of the day true friendships bring out the best in you; a handful of close buddies will get you through far more than a thousand Facebook friends will.

Feeling lonely and homesick is much more common than people will have you believe.

I cannot stress this enough. No matter what people say, everyone will � at some point � miss their home or their mum or their dog or their bed. Going to university rips you out of your comfort zone and throws you in the deep end. It�s absolutely normal to miss your home life.

First year is unlikely to be the best year.

In a twist of fate, my final year was actually the best of them all. I truly loved the city, I knew campus like the back of my hand, and I lived with the most wonderful friends I could ask for. In comparison, my first year was extremely average: I was self-conscious and insecure; I missed my boyfriend from home; I was lonely and homesick; and I didn�t know how to talk to anyone about what I was feeling. Although I did have a lot of fun, and the newfound independence and freedom was exciting, it was also unsettling and for a lot of the time I didn�t feel all that good. This is normal. It takes a while to find your place, so don�t freak out if first year isn�t everything you hoped for.

You can change your mind about your course.

I began studying joint honours but dropped to single honours in my final year. One of my friends actually changed degrees twice. At eighteen, deciding what to study for the next three years, or more, of your life and potentially directing your career, is a big ask and not everyone gets it right the first time. Most universities allow students to change courses within the first few weeks, but if it gets beyond that, and you�re still not happy, talk to your tutors and they will help you. You�re investing a lot of time and money into your degree, so it�s important to study something you love.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

When it comes to social media, people are only putting out what they want you to see. So when it looks like someone is having the absolute time of their life, it�s easy to compare. You might start thinking that you aren�t having enough fun, or you haven�t made enough friends, or you�re the only one in the country who isn�t actually enjoying university, but I can assure you this is not the case. Take everything you see online with a pinch of salt; it�s just a snapshot of a life and things are rarely as hunky dory as they seem.

Look after your mental and physical health.

Above everything, this is the most important thing to remember. Do the really boring stuff like sign up to the GP and make sure you know what emotional support is available if needed. Most universities have counselling services, support groups and mental health advisers whose sole purpose is to support you; never be afraid to ask for help.

My name's Laura and I'm a postgraduate student at Bournemouth University. I'm writing for Student Minds to share my experience of mental health difficulties at university and to encourage others to reach out for support.

#DearFresherMe: 5 Tips on how to maintain mental wellbeing

Emily writes about the experience of starting University, and gives five tips on how to maintain mental wellbeing.

- Emily

Having finished my degree and graduated from Swansea University this summer, and having a younger brother preparing to return to Swansea for his second year, I have found myself feeling disappointed that I�m not one of those students either excitedly looking forward to going back to University, or anticipating starting University for the first time. 

If I could rewind the past five years and start my time at Swansea University all over again, I would. There are some things that I would definitely do differently, and there are some things that I wish I knew when I started University. 

1) Firstly, I would not try so hard to �fit in�. My thing has absolutely never been nights out involving alcohol and clubs and bars. In my first year, I paid so much money for a Freshers� wristband and I only went to one event, which I ended up leaving almost as soon as I arrived because I had a panic attack. It wasn�t until I joined the Hogwarts society halfway during the first term that I really started to settle in a bit more, and make close friends. 

2) Secondly, if I could relive my entire University experience again, I would try to make more of my compulsory year abroad. Whilst I feel that my mental health difficulties prevented me from getting the most out of it, studying abroad is such a fantastic and valuable opportunity, so I would still definitely recommend it!

3) Thirdly, I would definitely get involved with Student Media opportunities a lot sooner than I did. Being involved with Swansea Student Media, especially the students� newspaper � Waterfront � was something that I got so much out of and became extremely passionate about and just enjoyed it so very much. I would make the most of such opportunities and other volunteering or work experience opportunities. 

4) Fourthly, if I could do University again, I think I would focus on myself a lot more, in terms of relationships, my sexuality and discovering who I am. I spent too much time trying to impress people who perhaps, in hindsight, I definitely should not have been trying so hard to impress. Instead, I would try to love myself more.

5) Finally, I think I would tell myself to just focus on my own journey, my own degree, and my own experiences and to try not to worry about having to impress people whether it�s friends, family, colleagues etc.! Also, I would remind myself that it�s okay to change my mind about what I want to do after graduation! 

We go to University with our own priorities, looking to experience different things and some people struggle to adapt more than others do. One of the main things that I have taken from my University journey is that it�s perfectly okay to put myself first, and not worry so much about trying to fit in and impress other people.

You can find more support on starting university, and managing some of the challenges it brings, here. 

My name is Emily (Em). I have recently graduated from Swansea University with my BA degree in Modern Languages, Translation & Interpreting; I was also passionate about and dedicated to Swansea Student Media and the University students� newspaper � Waterfront. I blog for Student Minds because I have experienced mental health issues as a student and now as a graduate, as well as other health issues, and I support friends who also have mental health difficulties. I am a passionate writer and writing has been important in my mental health experiences � both in helping me to explore and to cope with my mental health, as well as sharing my story in order to help others.

Disabled Student's Allowance for Mental Health

In this blog Carys shares her experience of applying for DSA for mental health reasons, to reassure those in a similar situation. 

-Carys

"I am so glad I sought support through Disabled Student�s Allowance (DSA). I didn't even realise that my mental illness is classed as a disability and I could get extra help with my degree. It's really worth applying � you have nothing to lose!"

It's important to note that mental illness affects people in different ways. In this blog I will share my experiences of the process and support I received but that doesn't mean it's going to be the same for you. Here's the story of my experiences with applying for DSA with Generalised Anxiety Disorder.

You can apply for DSA via Student Finance England when you also apply for your loans. You have to send some medical evidence. You will then be contacted to let you know if you are eligible for DSA. My medical evidence was outdated the first time, so Student Finance sent me a form in the post for my GP to fill in (for free). After I got my letter of eligibility, I was told to book a Needs Assessment at a centre near me. I go to Durham University but my nearest centre to my home address is Leeds Beckett University, so I headed there for my assessment. The assessment doesn't need to take place at your university. There is often a bit of a waiting list (surprise!).

The assessment itself is apparently the most difficult part of it all. I was terrified; I thought it was going to be like an exam, like I would have to prove to someone that I find it difficult to concentrate. I thought that there would be a chance of coming out the end of all this without being allowed any additional support because I wasn't ill enough or deserving of it. But this is certainly not the case: it is basically just a chat. It lasted 2 hours but I could have a break whenever I wanted to and the lady who did my assessment was so lovely. Also, if you've got to the point where you're attending a Needs Assessment it is because there is equipment that might be able to help you. The job of the assessor is to find what support you need and tailor it to your circumstances. So, you will not be leaving that assessment without any support for your studies. It�s just a case of where the support is needed. 

The first hour was dedicated to looking at how my mental illness impacts on my degree. We discussed how I am assessed (dissertation, exams, presentations, essays) and how that is difficult for me, how I am taught at university and how I take notes/research/read etc, and time management. I explained what support I already receive from my university's disability service. They also asked about travel to university and any accessibility issues I may have.

The second hour was dedicated to discussing any equipment that the needs assessor has identified that could be beneficial. A lot of my equipment, for example, is computer software, so my assessor took a look at my laptop (I was told to take my computer with me) and then showed me an example of the software in use on their computer. Everything is covered, and they write down anything extra that might be needed. For example, my laptop battery is terrible, so I am also getting a portable battery pack. Here is a list of just some of the support I will be getting this year:

� A reading software to help me with.... you guessed it... my reading. The main feature I'm looking forward to with this is being able to have information read aloud to me, so I can follow the text and focus on it more. 

� A mind-mapping software to help organise and link my ideas and research

� A note-taking software to allow any PowerPoint slides, my written notes and the lecture recordings to be stored in the same place. 

� A mentor to help me with things like stress and time management

It then takes the assessor a couple of weeks to write up the report of my needs and why this stuff has been recommended for me, as well as finding three price quotes from different external companies. The report then gets sent to me, my university's disability centre and Student Finance England. This is the point I am at now. 

It takes SFE a couple of weeks to then choose the quote they want to go with, and after they've done that they will contact you with their decision. I think it is then up to us to contact the chosen company to arrange a time for them to come and install everything onto my laptop/phone. As for things that are provided by DSA themselves, such as my mentor, I am hoping there will be more information in a future email about how to get that support set up. If you have any questions about DSA the best place to ask is your university's disability service. 

I�m Carys, a 4th year Modern Languages student at Durham University. I do lots of campaign work for mental health awareness with young people, and I am one of the blog editors for Student Minds this year! Check out my blog here and feel free to get in touch if you have any questions!